Mercy in the Madness

“What does hope mean to me?”

I admit that when I first read this essay, written by one of the inmates in our very first training cohort inside a correctional facility, I read it with a healthy dose of cynicism. Was the writer, Anthony Jackson, being genuine?

Lucky for me, I know Anthony better now. I know that he was incarcerated for 21 years, and that he already had his release date when he wrote this essay as part of the Peer Recovery Specialist certification class we had just started providing in Delaware’s prisons. I know that he was spending a lot of time reflecting on the life he wanted to create when he regained his freedom.

Since then, Anthony completed the 50 hour training, 500 hours of peer service, passed a national exam, and became a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist. Upon release, he interned with our mental health court peer mentorship program while working at Shoprite and later on a recovery helpline. We were eventually able to hire him part time and a few months ago he became a full-time employee.

Sometimes my work feels heavy. There are days when I question whether I should look for something different. But stories like these remind me that our work matters and can make such a positive impact on people. Peer work offers such a powerful second chance and redeems experiences that are full of pain, using those experiences as a way to better understand and support others – to pass along hope.

When I recently reread Anthony’s essay I was blown away at how much of it he had already achieved and how heartfelt and well-stated it was. It helps me recognize what a blessing my job is and my cup runneth over.

Here is Anthony’s full essay:

“What hope means to me…

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, hope is, Trust, Reliance, desire accompanied by expectation of fulfillment, something hoped for, one that gives promise for the future. Hopeful is, having qualities which inspire hope.

What hope means to me: I pray that I will always remain hopeful. That I will keep my recovery in front of me and ask for help when in need. That I will never become arrogant enough to put my recovery behind me. That I will earn the right to have and maintain a healthy relationship with my daughters and become a better father. That I have learned from my past experiences in my Life and have become a better person because of it. That I will be a productive member in my Community. That I will give back more to my Community than what I took from it. That I will not give up on becoming a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist. That I will keep my faith in God. That I will never come back to prison.

What hope means to me, hope is the one thing that no one can take from me. That I will become an exceptional peer Supporter in helping the voiceless. That I will not let Society place me in a box nor let my incarceration, DOC or probation create my Ceiling.

To know that this is my Calling. That I am hopeful that Natalie and Ryan [my instructors] will see that this is my Calling. That I know that I am Somebody and I am resilient. That I am not that man I used to be. I am not the man I want to be. I have become the man I Should be.

Hope!

To know that I have forgiven myself and I refuse to suffer ever again, and that day when I am released from prison, will be the first day of the rest of my life and I truly believe… that my future looks

Bright!

This is what hope means to me.”